booze me up and get me high

ohcarlita @ 2008-05-10T21:31:00

2008-05-11T02:31:49Z

<a href="http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/"><img alt="toothpaste for dinner" src="http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/042208/writing-out-my-life-plan.gif" width="650" height="421" border=0></a><br /><a href="http://www.toothpastefordinner.com">toothpastefordinner.com</a>

ohcarlita @ 2008-04-17T17:19:00

2008-04-17T22:26:24Z

i'm just one big ball of baggage.
I can't wait till i find someone who finds my neurotic behavior endearing.

I just keep going, using small insignificance things as markers.

He’s coming home, and I can’t wait. I’m using this as my marker.

I’ve been thinking that I could really succeed as a porn star.

I just need two surgeries, that is not a lot.

Not like I’m going to be the next president.
I am what I am, so why not take advantage of something?
I’m always been a business women, and love sex, so add the two together.

Man I could own a production studio.

Okay, this is me on auto pilot.

ohcarlita @ 2008-03-31T12:17:00

2008-03-31T17:33:59Z

Something has to give, with so many high tension days,
and disappointment, one would think something uplifting would come my way.
However, the wind has been knocked out of me, and I’m laying in the fetal position on the ground,
gasping for air in the rain, lungs filling with water.
Drowning in 2 inches of water; smothered by my own existences.

ohcarlita @ 2008-02-27T22:27:00

2008-02-28T04:28:56Z

ohcarlita @ 2008-02-21T19:41:00

2008-02-22T01:46:33Z

this wedding shit is stressing me out.
I am really unhappy with certain people that tell my certain family members they will be able to take them home, and then flake out the day before. You could have had a soul and said no from the start, so i wouldn't have to add driving to austin to the long list of shit i had to do on friday. BUT NO.
so fuck it.
ugh.

ohcarlita @ 2008-02-03T11:58:00

2008-02-03T17:59:27Z

do you ever feel like all your friends just disappear at the same time?
I'm going to school in the fall.
fuck this shit.

ohcarlita @ 2008-01-18T14:22:00

2008-01-18T20:22:46Z

fuck

2007

2008-01-07T04:22:52Z

This year has been a great example of some our better at surviving than living. 2007 was about existing. Nothing more, nothing less, simply finding a balance between neurotic tendencies and emotional trauma: without self medicating. I was a ghost. Robbed of control and desire, just finding new projects to entertain my mind, distract myself from the overwhelming damage. Now that it is all said and done I’ve realized I’m learned a lot, and found better ways of dealing with myself. I’ve been single for a year, and it took that long to get over the feelings of abandonment and bitterness that besieged me day to day. Perhaps I understand it better now, and therefore able to give my self to someone again. I’m looking for someone to offer me something to learn, and allow me to offer something to teach. All in all, it was a very bad year, but good can’t exist with out bad, and you only know you’re alive when you bleed.

Fuck you 2007.

ohcarlita @ 2007-12-30T22:17:00

2007-12-31T04:18:40Z

new day, same thing.
life is a waiting game.
and i'm waiting for something, or someone to surprise me.
That will be the one i will give my heart to.
till then.
I'll watch the days fly by.

ohcarlita @ 2007-12-01T22:42:00

2007-12-02T04:47:58Z

you're more like a basketball
boys pass you around
they bounce you hard on the asphalt
and dribble
when they are done they all get high fives
you think I’m an asshole
well you're probably right
but at least I’m not blind

say hey there, we don't play fair.

2007-11-29T19:50:33Z

naww

the hardest thing about life is trying to find people honest and loyal enough to open yourself up to. It's hard living bottled up, and repressed. All those thoughts and regrets don't mean shit if there is no one to share them with.

I spent the night with Mike last night. Just more lost moments, just more of me stealing time. I just wonder if i'll ever find anyone that makes me feel the same way 'he' did. Or perhaps it was one of a kind. I guess it will just take time to answer that question.
I think the thing with that, was we were two fucked up people, like minded, too much in fact. However, in many ways, we balanced each other.
However i'm sure this feeling will go away as soon as i really date someone again.
I just had a dream about him last night, made me think about it.

Things change, but i stay the same.
It's hard to understand why people can't be honest and pure with the way they feel.
Sure, i've grown and i've learned, but who i am, has and will always be the same.

Whatever, i guess some wounds just don't ever heal.

Steven Vega wrote a story about me hahahhahahah.....

2007-11-20T16:39:34Z

It was several weeks since Virgil induced, unknowingly of course, the suicide of Mrs. Contreras Cruz. And in said weeks, he had convinced a Christian he was gay, planted the seed for misogyny in a future lesbian, and manipulated a straight-laced straight-edge into a soon-to-be addiction to coke (and later speed-based ecstasy (though no one did care (and so, maybe in foresight, neither did he))). To Virgil, lies were like candy, and his sweet tooth proved insatiable, despite the damages caused. In most cases like Virgil's, he would have merely continued on, unabated in his destructive untruths until the path of dishonesty caught up with him. And maybe, playing into this logic, or maybe by a mere stroke of fate, or maybe due to the randomness of the universe, he was found at the mercy of one individual. Her name was Carly. And he was utterly taken in by the sights sounds and smells of said person. It was not these tangible or perceivable traits that lured him in so. No. That would be a simple conquest in which he would find himself satisfied through the simplest of machinations. It was more trying than that. There first conversation, sometime after they had graduated (they being of the same graduating class at the same pre-post-secondary-institutional-incarnation of learning) occurred when he had spotted her at an absolutley uninspiringly drab and bland coffee shop. She had always worn that dark lipstick that he was always so secretly fond of. He had gone in to try his hand, virginally, at conning a small business into a lawsuit that he would undoubtedly win. The coffee being "too hot" would scald him to the point of emotional complexity, on which he would base his lawsuit, and deter him completely from drinking coffee altogether. Had he stuck with this original plan, he might have ended up a thousandaire much sooner in life. But as it was, and as such is, he spotted Carly sipping from a dim and dank paper cup what appeared to be tea (but may as well have been mead considering what happened next). He knew her from awhile back. But he could not place her specifically. So, abandoning his course of legal calamity, he sat next to her. She looked up from her vacant stare previously fixed on the table in front of her and promptly returned to it without so much as a curious word as to why he had sat there.

The next few moments passed in ceremonious silence.

"Hi. I think we--" Virgil started.

"Say one more word and I'll have your balls for breakfast." the unknown beauty retorted. And though I'd like, as your kind narrator, to continue, I find it an appropriate time to comment on the physicality of the situation, if, for no other reason, to justify and explain the main character's sudden infatuation with a complete stranger. She was a fierce and lonely beauty. Clad in black; her blouse and pants both; both clinging strikingly to her finest features. Her full bodied figure, thighs, breast, and frame fleshed out in a polyester mold that left little to the imagination in way of seductive contours. Her face, fair complected, was adorned in oh-so-much unnecessary--but nonetheless complimentary--make up. Eyes shadowed and cheeks blushed to perfection. Her expression a staunch "fuck you" though hiding a secret "listen to me" attitude. Her lithe, yet proportionate arms crossed delicately--as if sculpted with the uttermost care--just underneath her bosom; one hand ambivalently cradling a cigarette.

"Listen, I'm sorry but, maybe if I--"

"What's your fucking problem? Did you hear me? I'll make you a woman, fuck you, and make you my bitch if you don't fucking step off right the fuck now." The indignant, yet undeniably lovely tart, retorted.

Virgil was posed with an indelibly, but infuriating crossroads. Either give up all attempts at wooing, or at least conniving this woman into conversation, or carry on with little to no results in any respect of the action of talking to a woman. Being a staunch believer in his abilities (at least ever since Mrs. Contreras-Cruz [see previous blogs for the reference]), he tarried forward.

"You're not as much a cunt as I think you want me to think you are." Virgil told the woman.

Carly, not so much taken aback as intrigued at the statement approached Virgil as he was leaving the coffee shop. She grabbed his arm, jerking him towards her, so that he would face her.

"What's your deal," Carly demanded.

"I just asked you a question. And then, I told you what I thought."

Carly considered this before smiling devilishly and spouting, "Okay. So why did you talk to me in the first place?"

Virgil, piqued, responded, "You looked interesting."

Carly punched Virgil in the kidneys as good as any prizefighter, kissed just below the ear and whispered, "So, tell me another lie."

ohcarlita @ 2007-11-19T10:54:00

2007-11-19T17:03:50Z

this song becomes more and more important and insignificant as my life goes on...

outside there's a box car waiting
outside the family stew
out by the fire breathing
outside we wait 'til face turns blue
i know the nervous walking
i know the dirty beard hangs
out by the box car waiting
take me away to nowhere plains
there is a wait so long
here comes your man

big shake on the box car moving
big shake to the land that's falling down
is a wind makes a palm stop blowing
a big, big stone fall and break my crown
there is a wait so long
you'll never wait so long
here comes your man
there is a wait so long
you'll never wait so long
here comes your man

Just because.

ohcarlita @ 2007-11-16T13:35:00

2007-11-16T19:36:13Z

Seriously?
ugh.

ohcarlita @ 2007-11-12T22:12:00

2007-11-13T04:14:12Z

We are just machines with words and orgasms.

the end.

ohcarlita @ 2007-11-11T22:04:00

2007-11-12T04:05:10Z

If the only love you even known is dysfunctional, then aren’t only going to attach more of the same?

Is the kind of love I read about really out there?

Or is it just the reflection of someone’s ideas?

Am I predisposed to be in bad relationships because of my past?

Ugh, love sucks.

It’s not like I have anyone to love.

Just questions if that kind of love exist, that’s all.

ohcarlita @ 2007-11-08T00:51:00

2007-11-08T06:59:37Z

It’s funny how we question the most insouciance things about out lives. All looking for that happy ending, that sunset with our heads held high and our love by our side. Seeking that goal, always, working, living for a goal, but maybe happiness is those little moments. The way the sun hits your face on a fall day, the feeling of your hand rushing against the body of your lover, the way you feel when you wake up blissfully in love, or for us smokers, that first inhale in the morning accompanied by that mornings first cup of coffee. Perhaps there is no happy ending for us, maybe this as good as it gets. Bypassing the enjoyment of life for some ambition, one possibly you feel will define you. Blind to the truth that the smallest things already represent you, and you will exist with out seeing the contentment that lies right before you.

El sigho.
Shit needs to get better soon.
Or I will become a crazy dog lady,
reading book after book,
writing page atfer page
of my perception of life
and playing imagine on the piano.
if i had talent
this might turn out to be something good
but alas
i do not.
therefore it's just words
and notes
and a crazy dog lady
that used to be pretty.
jesus fuck.
I want Lauren and Paro home.
Send in the reinforcements.
This ship is going down.

ohcarlita @ 2007-11-05T14:01:00

2007-11-05T20:02:26Z

all my friends have midterm blues.
soon it will be fall break
and all you little bunnies will be home.
curled up in bed with me.
just keep on truckin'.

ohcarlita @ 2007-10-22T11:49:00

2007-10-22T16:50:58Z

days like these i feel as if god has rejuvenated my reasons for living.
change.
it's what i need.

ohcarlita @ 2007-10-18T23:44:00

2007-10-19T04:45:44Z

People only want other people that have something to offer them. It’s as simply as that. That time has come and gone with him. Everything now seems childish and silly. The memories hold true, for they were wonderful times. The problem here is that I have changed, and you some how remained the same. I am the incomplete puzzle trying to put together the pieces. I am a train wreck, but I find joy in such challenges. I should let the memories die, and give up on this hopeless dream that one day you’d want to be with me. We only want the things we cannot have. This is not about love. It’s about rejection.

My bruised ego and I will be just fine. Gods speed to all of you that have loved and lost, by doing so, you’ve lost a piece of yourself. Just know you did it all, the best you could have.

ohcarlita @ 2007-10-17T16:50:00

2007-10-17T21:53:13Z

I'm listening to britney spears.

Shoot me if I start abusing drugs again
And get a really horrible tattoos.
Then you will know I have no mind
Nor soul.
And it will all be over.

ohcarlita @ 2007-10-15T22:52:00

2007-10-16T03:56:17Z

Raquel asked if that is actually how she looks.
hahahahahaha.
TGS... for life mother fuckers.

What Do You Have To Say? - Small Business: Filling the Piggy Bank

2007-10-15T15:55:17Z

How did you earn extra money as a child (i.e. lemonade stands, household chores, etc)?

Brought to you by HP

View 184 Answers

sexual favor.

ohcarlita @ 2007-10-11T22:51:00

2007-10-12T03:53:23Z

jealous guy is one of the most beautiful songs ever.
EVER.
listen to it and try not to feel something.
IF you cannot, YOU HAVE NO SOUL.
the fucking end.

omg

2007-10-09T17:49:58Z

oh shit.
I need these now.
and you all know I will hand them out.